Show Up: A Simple Guide to Positive Masculinity

Derek Beckman
Oct 9
2 min read

Being a man in today’s culture is… weird.And I don’t say “weird” out of frustration—it’s just the truth. We’re living in a time when the rules of engagement with women and traditional gender roles are in a radical state of flux.

I’m going to date myself a bit as a Millennial, but I genuinely believe that learning how to navigate this cultural shift is healthy for men. My hope is to help young men and women learn to spot—and encourage—positive masculine behaviors.

Step 1: Show Up

Showing up is, without question, the single most important thing we can do as men.

We need to show up for and be seen in our real, lived communities. Whether we’re talking about getting a job, being a parent, or pursuing a goal—showing up is table stakes. If you want to make a change, the hardest and most important thing to do is simply be present.

But showing up is more than just being physically there. You need to engage. You need to participate. You have to put in effort. Once you’re there, you might as well make the most of the time spent.

Step 2: Admire Effort, Not Perfection

When we think about the people we put on pedestals, what we admire most isn’t their perfection—it’s their effort.

Athletes overcome adversity through their ability to dig deep.
Businesses are built on endurance through difficulty and stress.
Education is cultivated through practice and focus.

All of these require Herculean effort to overcome obstacles and succeed.

Now, I get it. Especially in America, “grind culture” can be toxic. The idea that you just have to work harder, endlessly, is absurd. Not everyone wants to be a business owner, content creator, or star athlete. Many of us simply want to be recognized for our effort and compensated fairly.

So no, I don’t want you to “grind.”I want you to get caught trying.

Step 3: Get Caught Trying

Get caught caring a little about your appearance. I feel like I shouldn’t have to say this, but: take a shower, brush your teeth, and put on a clean shirt.

One aspect of modesty I teach my students is dressing appropriately for the situation. Present yourself well.

Get caught doing a little more than the bare minimum. Take the time to make sure your presentation looks polished, your data entry is correct, or that the oil pan is wiped off and clean. Those small details show that you care about doing a good job.

Finally, get caught paying attention. I know it can feel absurd to sit through a meeting that clearly could’ve been an email—but someone put in the effort to make it happen. Respect that.