Finding Balance: Navigating the Dualities of Life

Good morning!

This week has truly been a test for me—a test of patience, both personally and professionally. I’ve encountered challenges that have tested my resolve in ways I thought I had overcome. As a man, I focus on my duty to provide excess value to society, and while I generally find contentment in giving more than I receive, there are days when I feel taken for granted or that my generosity is exploited.

The Apex of Discontent

Yesterday marked the peak of my discontent. The challenges of parenting, dealing with adversarial clients, battling imposter syndrome, and feeling helpless in the face of turmoil in America all came to a head.

I often rely on stoicism and martial arts to fill my spiritual cup and keep me grounded. However, there are times when I feel like I’m falling apart. The combination of martial arts discipline and stoic principles—like small consistencies and emotional management—usually works well for me.

The Weight of Self-Destruction

By nature, I tend to be self-destructive. Growing up in poverty has left a chip on my shoulder, making happiness and success feel alien or even wrong. My struggles with feelings of inadequacy, especially regarding my relationships with my father and stepfather, make contentment unsettling. This aversion to comfort is coupled with a deep desire for acceptance and love. I often seek validation, which can be exhausting.

As I navigate through my writing gaining traction, my karate studio flourishing, and my marriage entering its second decade, along with the increasing demands of fatherhood, I find myself wrestling with these two wolves within me. Sometimes, I feed the wrong one.

The Conflict of Duality

This duality is something serious martial artists must confront regularly. On one hand, we possess the capability for great violence; on the other, we are expected to show restraint and composure. This internal conflict is always on my mind, especially as I struggle with parenting and personal success.

At times, I lose control of my emotions, lashing out at those closest to me or wanting to run away and give it all up. While I find it easier to regain my senses in middle age, I often reflect on my younger years, when I had the freedom to self-destruct and reassemble my life whenever discomfort arose.

Finding Your Anchor

Ultimately, I need to remind myself that I am enough. My wife believes this, and despite my efforts to push her away during my darker periods, she remains steadfast. If you're struggling with similar feelings, I encourage you to identify your anchor. We all have them. Mine hasn't always been my wife; my mom kept me grounded, and I’ve had great mentors I need to reconnect with.

My duty as a man serves as a reminder of what I can become. The struggle will always be present, but surrounding yourself with good people can help you find your way back when you stray.