Protecting Others From Yourself

Self-control is often the principal most associated with martial arts, and I personally think that's an excellent quality to be tagged with. I enjoy knowing that I am a strong and capable practitioner of our art. And while I struggle with self-control often, it is also the easiest principal to put into practice every day. But what about when our self-control prevents us from acting?

I have never had the pleasure of using my art outside of the studio or competition. I have, however, been met with some seriously upset individuals who seemed hell-bent on fighting. I was able to de-escalate those situations — but the "what ifs" still haunt me. What if I had chosen to act violently instead of walking away? Well, I can tell you I probably wouldn't be allowed to coach martial arts in any capacity, for one. But training violence and committing violence are two entirely different things.

I have long held the belief that part of being a good martial artist sometimes involves protecting others from yourself. There are times when social situations get heated. Road rage, alcohol, and simple misunderstandings can lead to confrontations fast. It is in those moments where a martial artist needs to be especially careful — because we still generally do not have permission to be violent. That authority is reserved for law enforcement. Acting on an impulse to fight can be very dangerous, not just physically, but professionally and socially as well.

Even defending yourself — especially as a man — can carry serious consequences, even when you are entirely in the right. I remind my students of this often. You need to be prepared to speak with authorities. Legal action can follow. And the ever-present threat of a violent act on your record can close doors to jobs and opportunities for years to come.

I constantly ask myself: is this person in my face worth potentially spending the night in jail? If you are being threatened with actual violence, you should absolutely defend yourself. But if it is just someone posturing over some inconsequential misunderstanding, you are almost always better off holding back.

It may seem counterintuitive, but it is simply not worth the trouble.

Self-control is hard. It asks a lot from us. When we fail to live up to its expectations, we fail ourselves — and we fail the people who are watching us and learning from our example.