I like to lose control sometimes. I enjoy the feeling of righteous anger, I relish overindulging on alcohol a lot more than I should. In very many aspects of my life I enjoy being a chaotic mess. And I think as men we struggle with the weight of responsibility. The constant looking to us for the words "it's all going to be ok". The amount of self control that it takes to be a good man is an exponential and ever changing request, and when we finally release all of that pent up anger it really does feel good. That's no way to go about it, and ask my wife I am the biggest offender of bottling things up until I can't.
What I don't like, is how I feel about myself when I do let go. When I let my anger run, when I drink too much, when I finally give into what I tell myself I want. When I lose my self control, I am usually ashamed and feel guilty for what I have allowed to happen. Especially when I lose my temper and fight with my wife or kids. When I lose my self control I am usually so disappointed in myself it takes days to regain my sense of self. And while losing control feels good in the moment, I am never happy with the results.
Self control is by far one of the hardest principals to live by. We are constantly fed the Idea of "YOLO". Do the thing that want now! Live a life of consumption and indulgence. Speak your truth, indulge in those little treats. We have lost our ability to delay gratification. To hold off for a better prize by showing restraint. And in no small way, it has been done to us. Social Media has done a marvelous job of stunting our social skills. Large internet companies have told us that we can have what we want immediately or at the very least with next day shipping. It is this lack of self control that i feel is making us both more lonely and less happy.
Maybe I am an outlier. I find when I am being disciplined, doing my workouts, networking for real estate, writing. Whatever it is, I know I should be doing, I am happy. I am happy because I know that I did my part to build the life that I want. I want to be a good writer. I want to be a successful real estate agent and I want to be a world class martial artist and business owner. I don't get to be any of these things, if I allow my self to give into my indulgences and lose my self control.
I was reading the Hemingway short story recently "The Big Two Hearted River". It's a short read that I highly recommend. It is the story of a man on a fly fishing trip in the upper peninsula of Michigan. Like most fly fishing stories its about relishing in the solitude of nature, and the soul repairing power of a large living river. It's also a story about self control. You see a smart fisher man has to take great care in order to be successful. You are usually standing in very cold rapid moving water. You can't get over excited and straighten out your rod too fast when you get a strike. You also have to be exceptionally patient. You have to let the fly and the river do their thing in order to land a fish. That amount of self control is almost saintly.
While I am no saint myself, I find stories of imperfect men doing what they can to work on themselves to be inspiring. They are reminders that even though we ourselves have our struggles and pitfalls and character deficiencies. There is some redemption for us in the practice of virtue and principal.
Practicing our self control through small and seemingly insignificant acts has a profound impact on our lives and relationships. In my opinion it is an act of rebellion. Showing ourselves that in a world of chaos, of notifications, of constant demands, that we can carve out time for ourselves. To have those moments where nothing can touch us and that we are in fact in control of our lives and that we can focus on what we want, so long as we have the courage to do what we need!

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