Constant Vigilance: My Battle With Self-Control

Self-control has been on my mind a lot lately though honestly, it's always on my mind. It's the black belt principle I struggle with the most. I think that's because the idea of control is, in many ways, tied to how someone exercises power over something or someone else, and self-control requires you to turn that power inward. In no small way, self-control could be a martial art all on its own.

Anyone who really knows me knows how much I struggle with it. My temper runs on a constant simmer and flares often, usually at unintended targets like my family. I have a grossly one-sided relationship with alcohol and nicotine. And don't even get me started on money or my phone. Maintaining control over all these impulsive behaviors occupies a lot of my mental real estate.

That's the thing with self-control, though. No matter how much you cultivate it, it can never really be put on autopilot. You have to stay vigilant always. That extra cookie. The urge to scream at the guy who just cut you off. The purchase that can wait. The vibration in your pocket or on your wrist. The world is out to get you, with temptation and distraction at every turn.

My problem is the fear of missing out. I want to be seen as cool. I want to keep up with the Joneses. I want people to understand how incredibly smart and right I am on all things, ever and always. I want to be in charge. So it's easy to slip up and lose it. Constant vigilance!

My remedy has been to become boring and I mean absolutely boring. I strive to be excellent at being bored. I do my best to avoid alcohol. I haven't smoked in some time. I save money when I can and try to read instead of doomscrolling. I focus largely on weight training, martial arts practice, and riding my bike as often as possible.

Embracing boredom has done so much to quiet the noise that impulsive behavior makes in my head. Now, do you need to live this way? Probably not to the same extreme I have. Just be mindful of those pulls. Make those small adjustments and enjoy the peace that boredom brings.